One of the World’s Seven Natural Wonders Like You’ve Never Experienced It Before
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New law makes saying such and such is the new such and such a slappable offense

Congress is finally getting down to business and taking on some of the critical issues citizens face in their daily lives. The latest piece of legislation passed just this afternoon is aimed at stopping the constant droning of silly people who feel it necessary to assign new values to various things.

It all started back in the 1990’s when an ad campaign bizarrely proclaimed that age 50 is the new 30. Seems that was all it took to set off a poo storm of silly quasi-optimistic hooey, as the floodgates were opened and silly people everywhere began making proclamations.

Outside the capitol building a small crowd of people wearing smiley-face buttons sang “We shall persevere”. One middle-aged woman wearing a body condom held a sign saying “Soy is the new chicken and tofu is the new steak” SUE ME!!!

One man identifying himself as “Just Plain John” seemed subdued when he first approached us but then became extremely animated once he began speaking with us. He finished with a flourish, screaming “I don’t know what this world is coming to man!” before finally breaking into tears, and dropped to his knees sobbing.

Regardless of the protests, we won’t the full impact of the legislation for several weeks as the dust settles and people fully process the implications. One thing is for sure however, many will be slapped.

Once the new law goes into effect it will amount to the second slappable offense on the books, the other as you surely know, is for doing the macarena.

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